Yup. We're gonna talk about poop. Classy, no?
Lately it seems, good hearty poops are all the rage. We lead the way into the 21st century holding our colon cleanses high in the air exclaiming, "I POOP FREQUENTLY AND HAVE IDEAL GIRTH!" Well, guess what folks, I was a trend setter way back in the 90's.
Consequently, I've become a bit neurotic when it comes to using a restroom other than mine when it comes to pooping. Particularly when that restroom only has one toilet and no plunger in sight. The beauty of public restrooms with multiple toilets is you can always use the excuse of "it was that other chick". Unless, of course, there's a line. Then you can either let everyone know you destroyed the toilet or wait out the crowd and possibly make fart noises with your mouth so everyone doesn't think you're stalling. Ha ha. That was punny.
Well, it so happens that my workplace has one of those "single toilet" restrooms. Actually, it has two restrooms: one for the men and one for the women. Which is why the sole plunger is stored in the utility closet. Being that my workplace is a small business (read: >10 people), you cannot go unaccounted for for too long. Therefore, stealth plunging is highly improbable. (But not impossible, for I have succeeded once before. I am a skilled warrior with a plunger.)
Typically, I just try and avoid having to go at work. Unfortunately, I did not take into account the questionable nature of my lettuce when I packed my lunch the night before. Needless to say, there was no choice but to dump my fears and void myself of any concerns. (Okay, I'll stop with the bad puns before it gets out of hand.) You know... I really thought I was in the clear; but then with a choking gurgle, the water ceased to go down. "Shit!"
Now, if you've ever been in this situation, and feel the way I do, you know all too well the feeling of blood draining from your face while praying to the porcelain gods as you plan your next step. But then... whurrgurgle. Can... can it be? Oh yes! Today my friends, I am a believer! The gods have heeded my prayer and a miracle was witnessed as THE WATER WENT DOWN!
Sometimes, it's the little things in life...
Now, aren't you glad I got this crappy post out of the way?