Thursday, August 12, 2010

On Farmville, Customer Service, and Man Boobs


The very word stirs emotions deep within the soul. Whether they be hatred, joy, or shame, they come bubbling to the surface like heartburn after Taco Bell.

For me, the emotion is shame. I bear before you, my very soul, as I admit... I do, in fact, play Farmville. I've been trying to quit! Really! I was doing good for a while but then I fell off the band wagon.

But I digress... the problem with Farmville is you start to see it appear in your daily life. I was happily driving to work today, singing to myself, when BAM! there they were... plots of lavender. In reality, they were just the work of landscapers. In my mind however, they were perfectly harvested bunches that were placed by the path. And... and... Oh Em GEE!!! Limited edition flax plants!

See the problem? Perhaps it was the lack of caffeine in my blood stream at that early hour. Perhaps I'm just crazy. Or perhaps both! I felt ashamed though. And dirty. Very very dirty.


I am unsure of my feelings about customer service. I have noticed that the quality of customer service has gone down lately. Right before I lose my faith in humanity however, I run into a super nice customer service person. Today, I had one of each.

After work today I went shopping at ye olde dollar store because I saw some funky looking mats outside... FOR A DOLLAR. So I took my selection inside. You know... I could have stolen those mats. I mean, there was nobody around and they were outside. I didn't though. Honesty and all that.

When I get inside, there is nobody to be seen. A fleeting thought of mine wondered if they were in the process of a robbery and everyone was being held hostage. Part of me thought it would be cool if I could sneak attack said robber and save the day... but then I saw a customer and was slightly disappointed.

I spied a little bell at the register with a note to ring it if I'm ready to check out. I ring the bell and hear an annoyed woman's voice:

Clerk: "I'll be right THERE!"
Me: [Surprised] "... Thanks!?"
She arrives at the counter.
Me: "So... uh... how's your day?"

Clerk: "Ugh." [Eyeroll] [Added as an afterthought] "How's your day?"

Me: "Not ugh." [Pause] "What makes your day ugh?"

She preceded to explain that she needed to stock the shelves before the end of her shift as well as run the cash register. She also noted that her shift ended soon and it was expected to be done before then. I explained that she was only human, that I understand, and that I hope her day "becomes less ugh."

Now... I've worked a LOT of customer service and sales in my past and still do a lot of customer service and sales (though not in a traditional retail sense). Even if my day was sucktastic, I never would let it show to the customers. Maybe I have pride in my work or maybe I just have a high tolerance for crap. I'm sure she probably gets paid minimum wage but so did I.

I dunno, I guess I lose a little respect for the people when I see this happen. Here's the kicker though. She asked me to participate in an online survey... and was rather adamant about it.

Yeeeeeah... I'm not doing that survey.

I should note, in the store I went into afterward, the lady that completed my sale was extremely and genuinely nice. Faith In Humanity Status: Temporarily Restored.


I should get a new glasses prescription.

I was driving home when I spied a larger woman walking down the street in a v-neck undershirt. How did I know she was a woman? I assumed when someone has boobs that happen to be unsupported, and those boobs end up swinging like pendulums on a clock, they are most likely a woman. But then... "Holy crap! That woman has a white beard!"

And then... as I got closer... "Hey! That's not a woman... wait... hold up... oh my god."

Now, I have nothing against man boobs or whatever. My issue is with lack of support. Come on dude! If you have a pair of knockers like that, get a good support bra! Seriously. Get the bro. (Ah Seinfeld, how I miss you so.)

I'm not kidding though, give this guy one of those renaissance corsets and he'd have beer wench worthy jugs.

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